I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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