I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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