God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
