PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
