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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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