The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
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When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize