you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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