got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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