in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
