I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize