You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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