big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
