I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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