I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
