You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
