I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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