brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm going to jail i love you
You work out of a Hotel?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
