this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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