o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
