I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need water and some morals
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize