i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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