If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Randomize
