it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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