It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's blow job season.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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