Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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