I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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