I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
