I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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