There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
