before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the day after is always just damage control
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
