Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
