I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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