you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
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I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
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I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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