i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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