dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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