Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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