C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
