I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
