I think I won the penis lottery.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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