All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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