I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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