Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
