the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
