I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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