A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize