Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
