I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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