I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
