Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
