We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
