just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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