Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
