Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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