sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
