i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
