Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
