I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
