Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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