he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
