oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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