hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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