Your dad touched me again.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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