i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
