Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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