i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
