I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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