Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
