Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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