Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
