He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
