What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
