none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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