I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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