Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
