my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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