I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize