I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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