Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
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i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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