I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
