i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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