Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
