as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
