is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
