i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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