I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
MIDGETS
????
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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