mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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