Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
